Wednesday, January 14, 2009


I have been bad. BAD, I say! I have been away for too long. So long, in fact, that I became embarrassed. That embarrassment caused me to stay away for even longer. Alas... it is time for me to face the music and fess up.

I've been EXTREMELY internalized these past few weeks. I had been feeling a lot of anger and, the more I tried to swallow it, the more it grew over time. I knew I had to step back, isolate myself and release the negativity I'd been feeling. I can't say that I'm totally anger-free right now -- but I am SOOOO much better than I was only a week ago. Things are looking up. :-)

I've been making Valentines. Yep. Hand-made Valentines for my friends over on another social site. You can't feel anger when you're making Valentines. I highly recommend it if you are having a bad day... or week... or year. All that pretty paper, doilies, ribbon, rhinestones, and those hearts you've cut out lying all around you... it makes you feel -- ummm -- relaxed and happy. I'll take a photo of one and post it here (if I can remember).

I also got in touch with my "dark side". I always wondered what everyone was talking about when they would say, "You need to get in touch with your dark side. You need to embrace that part of who you are." Well, I struggled with that for years. Dark side? Hmmmm...

I never feel like torturing kittens or having some lurid affair with a creep I met at a bar so I was confused about what a "dark side" really was. The closest I've come to it is in listening to some newer music by Gary Numan. You remember him, right? He did that song Cars back in... the 70's? Yeah, I think it was the late 70's. Well, his newer music is totally different. It's... gothic? Emo? Disturbing? Anyway, I LIKE it. It touches that dark place inside and it feels good. It's like having a cut on your lip that you can't resist raking your teeth across. It's so far removed from all of the music I normally listen to... and it's been therapeutic.

Oh! And I've been reading quite a bit. I finally read Angels & Demons by Dan Brown. I love the way he mixes in interesting facts with his fiction. A movie based on this book is scheduled for release on May 15, 2009. I know you will hear about it... it's sure to cause another uprising among the religious folk.

Now I'm reading Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me). It's about how people justify their behavior and beliefs even when the basis for them is irrational. The good news is: this book explains that people have a natural predisposition for doing this. The bad news is: it's nearly impossible for people to change. Sigh...

Okay... so I'm back. I will try to start posting again on a more regular basis about all of the exciting, wondrous events in my life (ha, ha!). I'll leave you with a Gary Numan video if you feel an urge to explore your "dark side", too.


Faith said...

I am so glad you are back! I missed seeing your posts. I am glad you are feeling better. Making Valentines really is a wonderful way to feel peaceful and loving. I may have to try that this year. What a wonderful idea.

I know what you mean by getting in touch with one's darker side. Sometimes it is the recognition of that darkness that helps us move toward the light. To let something break within ourselves in order to mend again. I like the song you posted. I have been listening (thanks to my daughter) to a lot of Emilie Autumn and The Cure. Both explore some of the darker emotions... and yes, it does feel good.