Thursday, February 5, 2009

If you can't say anything nice...

My mother used to say, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." I suppose that's why I'm so quiet online these days. I'm not sure if anyone wants to hear about all the craziness that goes on in my life. Seriously, someone should be getting all of this on film. :-)

I have a two teen daughters and the oldest (who will be seventeen in two months) skipped school twice this week and has been drinking alcoholic beverages. Egads! Yes, she is grounded... but that alone isn't going to magically change her behavior. It's time for mom to put on her counselor hat and talk about some core issues, consequences, the future, and all of that deep stuff. Talk, talk, talk. Do words make an impact on a teen?

I know I haven't mentioned this before... but my ex-husband has been living in our home for over a year now. It's a long, long story involving fraud, lies,
divorce, and felony charges filed against him (which still haven't been resolved), all involving his third wife. She basically took everything, left him with thousands of dollars of debt she ran up, and pressed bogus charges against him as she walked out the door.

Anyway... yeah. It's been over a year. You know how little, insignificant things start to get on your nerves after a while? Like... someone not rinsing off the sugar spoon after stirring their coffee -- or drinking the last of your favorite beverage -- or using your special sticky notes that you thought you had placed in a safe place? It all sounds so trivial, and it is in the grand scheme of things -- but I still feel so annoyed at times. I really just want my home back to the way it was before he moved in. You know... so I can walk downstairs in only a nightshirt, so I can put my office supplies back into the office/guest room, and so his furniture and other possessions aren't in my living room, office, garage, on my back patio, or on the side of the house. I'm becoming territorial. :-)

To make matters worse, my husband works with my ex-husband and they were friends when I was still married to my ex. (It's a tangled story -- really.) So, my husband not only spends hours away from home working with my ex, he also spends hours hanging out with him in the garage. (What is it with men and garages??) This can't be good for a marriage. In fact, I know it's not. Actually, I have talked about this issue with my husband several times... "Just because he's living here doesn't mean you have to "entertain" him for hours every day."

Then I tell myself that everything happens for a reason. That everything is in divine and perfect order... blah, blah, blah. You know, trying to stay optimistic. Some days it works. Other days I scream, "Everything is NOT in divine and perfect order for, if it were, he wouldn't STILL be here!" Then I feel bad... because I should just be grateful that I'm not in his situation. "There, but for the grace of God, go I." I slump back up to my bedroom and try to console myself. I tell myself that it's okay if I feel annoyed from time to time. After all... I think I'm human... right?

Okay... so I need to remind myself of something...

It's in this song...

Oh, and yesterday was my "baby's" eleventh birthday. Before I know it, my little boy will be a teenager. God, I hope boys are easier to deal with as teens than girls are! If not, I'm moving out! ;-) He's such a joy, though. A real sweetheart. He has Asperger's Syndrome (an autistic spectrum disorder) and he's struggled a lot with socialization and reading -- but his vocabulary is advanced and he does wonderful in math. I always imagine him as becoming a scientist when he's older due do his curiosity with rocks, astronomy, and theoretical physics. (He loves to talk about black holes and parallel universes -- and you should see his rock collection!)

Okay... that is enough for today. I feel a little better after that bit of purging. Now I need to get back to dealing with life. :-)


Pamdog said...

Wow. I was getting a bit on edge just reading about that situation with the ex. You are far more tolerant and saint like than you realize, just for taking him back into your homestead. He's lucky to still have you in his life.

Teenage boys, from my experience, are largely reticent, but I'm sure that's hardly a universal tendency. And your little man does sound like a special case. As cool as he is now, a few extra years will not taint his spirit.

Carve out a bit of space and time for yourself... get annoyed when you need to... take a breath... embrace the complexities of your existance.


Self-Proclaimed Mistress of Nothing said...

Thanks, Pam... for taking the time to read my rant. And I hope you're right about teen boys! I'm sure my son's demeanor won't change as drastically as my daughter's behaviors have in the last few years. That would almost be impossible. :-)

Your advice about taking time for myself reminded me of a plaque a friend sent me for Christmas. It reads: "Do something every day that makes you smile." Hmmm... I think the two of you might be on to something!♥

Faith said...

Oh, I love this post! I am sorry that your life is so difficult at the moment with the ups and downs (makes things here seem like a walk in the park!) But it is so nice to get to know you a bit more. You are so kind, I think in your ways of being with others. And I agree, so incredibly tolerant! Your ex is definitly a lucky man to have so much support!

I have a 14 year old daughter and an 11 year old son. And we have had a few issues, but real teen stuff hasn't hit yet. It is so hard to be a mom, I think. I am constantly wondering how many mistakes I am making. And yes, wondering if words make an impact...I do that a lot.

I love that Talk Talk song. It is one I have listened to a lot. Nice and upbeat! Thank you for posting it!