Saturday, April 25, 2009


Tonight, I sit here with a sadness unlike any I've felt before. I'm mourning the death of someone who is still very much alive. I'm mourning the death of everything I once loved in him... with the exception of his intelligence. However, even that intelligence has evolved into a pompous arrogance instead of the desire for knowledge it was long ago. Where has the boy gone who knew innocence and empathy? Who is this man so filled with bitterness and cruelty? I know him not.

Yes, there were hints back then in the decadent days of the late 1980's. There were times he could be cruel, smug, berating, abusive... countered by hours of laughter, creative genius, the most passionate love letters, dreamy poems, sweet moments stolen on a high school campus, secret nights spent in a stranger's trailer. There were chocolate covered strawberries and insults about my transgressions. There were Sleepytime Bunnie's and humiliation. There were angels dressed in white... Now angels have fallen hard, hit the earth with a cry that reverberates through my very soul.

So I cry, too.

"All went well in February
beyond this, no sanctuary
and left undone in a frozen age
I give no reason for these wars you rage..."

"...Surroundings fade and go away and suddenly I'm free
and no one that I know stands everywhere and smiles at me.
I go to touch her face and suddenly she turns to stone.
The trees turn into desert and I'm once again alone."

I hope someone,
somewhere, somehow saves your life...


Jen said...

wow - I can totally relate to this and was thinking along similar lines myself today. You have put it perfectly.

Very sad. I dont know him anymore.

Keep up the good work!!

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

I feel very empty, sad and helpless reading this, knowing there is nothing I can do, except listen. I hope you have someone close that can help you through this...

Michelle said...

I love that song. It is sad to see someone you once loved in a whole different reality. People make their own choices though, and life goes on regardless. We can't save the world, just ourselves.