I think I'm a strong person, I've been through quite a bit in my life and have been able to learn and grow from tough times and difficult relationships. However, today I heard some news that has brought me to my knees.
On February 12th, my husband was diagnosed with CLL (Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia). I went online, researched it, and things sounded hopeful. There were drugs and treatments available and people live long lives with CLL. Sure, having any type of cancer isn't the greatest news in the world... but at least we believed it was a type that we could do something about.
His second appointment with the oncologist was today, February 19th. The results from the most recent blood tests weren't good. Not at all. More than 80% of his white blood cells are abnormal. We were told that my husband will have to have a bone marrow transplant within the next five to ten years, depending on how quickly the cancer progresses.
How does one deal with this kind of news? I can't tell you what's going on in my husband's head, only what I've been feeling. SCARED. HELPLESS. I was literally shaking non-stop for hours. I wanted to scream about it, tell everyone... but, at the same time, I didn't know what to say. The panic button in my heart had gone off and I was at a loss.
Now, after talking with a few close friends, crying a bit and relieving some of the pressure, I've learned to form complete sentences again.
I know that my husband and I can't face this alone... and it's not because we are weak. It's because people need each other. We need hands to hold, moments to share, pillars to lean on when we're mentally, emotionally, or physically exhausted. We need laughter to make the load seem lighter and love to bring us hope. We don't need sympathy... we need support. And... we are ever so grateful for that support.
Words cannot define how grateful we are for those who are rooting for us, sending their love, prayers, healing energy, and just showing up for us. It's comforting to know we won't be walking this road alone.
To my beautiful and loving friends who read this... I love and appreciate your presence in my life and I want you to not only know this... I want you to feel it. Thank you... with all of my heart.♥
Friday, February 19, 2010
Scribbled by Self-Proclaimed Mistress of Nothing at 9:04 PM
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Sometimes, if you're patient,
if you stay up way too late
listening to love songs
with a deep and beautiful ache inside,
if you get kicked when you're down
but have no one to call and nothing to say,
if you bite your tongue and taste the pain,
if you spill coffee on a favorite book,
lose your favorite ring,
have your home invaded,
get lost on an unfamiliar road,
worry over a sick child,
feel an increasing distance in your relationship,
see angels as they're walking away...
Sometimes, if you're very, very patient,
the tears will come.
Scribbled by Self-Proclaimed Mistress of Nothing at 5:11 AM
Sunday, January 24, 2010
I am not a tyrant when it comes to proper grammar (outside of my home) but there are definitely many instances of improper word use that cause me to bite my tongue. I openly admit that I, too, have been guilty of a few grammatical errors. I still, to this very day, confuse "effect" and "affect". I'm working on it.
I would like to share some of the most common errors, a few of which drive me completely insane.
Seen -vs- Saw
Any time I hear someone say, "I seen that movie," I cringe. It's actually painful to hear.
You either "have seen" that movie or you "saw" it.
Then -vs- Than
THEN is in relation to a time period. "We saw a movie then we went for ice cream."
THAN is in comparison. "His shoes are larger than mine."
Your -vs- You're
YOUR is possessive. "I like your shirt."
YOU'RE means "you are". "You're very smart."
There -vs- Their
THERE is a place or a pronoun.
"We can stop by there before returning home."
"There is still a sense of longing."
THEIR is a plural possessive pronoun.
"Their dog bit the mailman."
Were -vs- We're
WERE is a past tense verb. "We were at the concert."
WE'RE means "we are." "We're busy painting the house."
Its -vs- It's
ITS shows possession. "The dog chased its tail."
IT'S means IT HAS or IT IS. "It's going to be a beautiful day!"
Past -vs- Passed
This one is tricky. I think most people confuse these every so often because they sound the same and have similar meanings.
PAST is in relation to time or space. "I have no hard feelings over events in the past."
"This past weekend, we visited my aunt."
PASSED is the past tense of PASS. "He passed me the ball."
Effect -vs- Affect
Oh, these are the two I dread.
EFFECT is a noun. "The effect his words had on the audience was amazing."
AFFECT is a verb. "Using improper grammar will affect how your readers perceive you."
Loose -vs- Lose
LOOSE is usually the opposite of tight. "His pants are too loose."
However, you can also set something free: "I let the dogs loose."
LOSE is the opposite of win. "Did you lose the game?"
It's also means something lost: "I told her she would lose that ring because it was too loose on her finger."
Me -vs- I
I have been guilty of this mistake myself. I swear it was by no fault of my own. I distinctly remember my English teacher telling the class to use "I" in a sentence any time you are speaking of yourself along with other individuals.
The best way to remember which of these words is correct is to remove everyone else from the sentence and see if it still makes sense.
For instance, "Bob went to the restaurant with Jan, Susan, and I," is incorrect. You wouldn't say, "Bob went to the restaurant with I."
Therefore, the correct wording would be, "Bob went to the restaurant with Jan, Susan, and me."
Another misuse would be, "Bob and me went to the restaurant." You wouldn't say "me went", you would say "I went". "Bob and I went to the restaurant."
i.e. -vs- e.g.
i.e. means in other words.
"Those paper plates are really ghetto, i.e., very inexpensive"
e.g., means for example.
"His friend has helped a lot, e.g., loaning him money and helping him move."
All that being said, if you feel inclined to begin a sentence with the words "and' or "but", feel free. I know we were taught not to do so but it reflects our natural speech. And, I also don't have a problem ending a sentence with a preposition for that very same reason.
Please, if you ever see/hear me use improper grammar, tell me. Unless, of course, it's obvious that I'm just playing around. =)
Scribbled by Self-Proclaimed Mistress of Nothing at 9:50 PM
Thursday, October 1, 2009
There has been a lot of talk about the ego these past two years. The topic became even more popular after Oprah shared Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth: Awakening To Your Life’s Purpose, with her viewers in 2007. Since that time, many have come to the conclusion that one’s ego is negative, something to be overcome. Perhaps this is due, in part, to Tolle’s claim that he has no ego.
Let’s talk about ego, it’s forms, and it’s purpose.
First of all, there is what I refer to as the neutral ego. It has to do with one’s own personal preferences. If you prefer to wear a blue shirt instead of one that is lime green, that is a choice made by ego. Your body doesn’t care what color shirt you wear, your ego makes the choice. Furthermore, anything in your life that isn’t required for your survival is there purely because of ego.
Now let’s talk about another kind of ego. It’s the ego that becomes defensive at criticism, feels superior or inferior to others, and causes people react in negative ways towards others or towards situations and events. This type of ego is responsible for prejudice, racism, violence, more than/less than thinking, greed, selfishness, insensitivity, and a host of other feelings acted upon or expressed outwardly towards others. It is also the basis for insecurities, self-mutilation, eating disorders, and all things self-defeating. I would refer to this as “negative ego”.
Lastly, there is positive ego. Positive ego is noticing, but not acting on, negative ego. It is the acknowledgment of negative thoughts and feelings within us. It is a tool which enables us to find the source of that negativity and work through it. It helps us heal the wounded parts of our soul and our psyche.
For instance, if someone points out something about you that causes you to feel anger, excuse yourself and sit with that anger for a while. Allow yourself to feel into it and follow it back to the first time you experienced that same or similar criticism in your past. Look at that criticism and be completely honest with yourself. Is there any truth in it? Sometimes we become angry when someone else points out something about us that we don’t wish to acknowledge. At other times, negative messages we’ve created about ourselves or past memories are triggered.
When we use ego in positive ways, it brings wholeness to our being. It creates positive changes by prompting us to work through negative emotions and outdated beliefs that no longer serve us. Always keep in mind that we are spiritual beings having a human experience and ego is part of this experience. We are not here to conquer our ego, we are here to master it.