Sunday, May 17, 2009


It seems that Faith has been feeling and thinking some of the same things as I about blogging. I thought, recently, to delete all of my blogs. To take back the words I've typed here and swallow them up.

Yes, afraid to just "be"... I know that fear. I worry about almost everything I post. "What will they think of me??" I've even stopped myself from writing certain things... and why?

I think it's because none of you really know who I am. You only know what I share here with you... and this is only who I am on my "time off". This is me... pondering, trying to make sense of the world, trying to entertain myself, and not (for a little while) trying to save anyone.

I think that is what bothers me most about blogging... it's almost entirely self-absorbed. I need to be okay with that... make peace with it. I need to know that I am not forcing anything I write onto anyone who doesn't want to read it. And, most importantly, that this IS all about me... my thoughts, my feelings, my experiences... and it's fine for me to give all of these things an outlet.

Yes, I am silly, serious, inquisitive, sarcastic, loving, creative, and, at times, even confused. And all of that is OKAY. I'm okay. And each one of us has the right to "be" who we are... all the time. Well, unless you're a psychopath, then I think you've relinquished that right! =) And I don't always think happy thoughts. Yeah... I know... there's a shocker. Sometimes I feel angry, depressed, jealous, or vengeful. Am I not free to share those things?

What started off as one blog quickly branched off into two. Then I realized that I needed a blog to express things that I didn't want to just come out and say... so I had to create a third blog to write my feelings down semi-fictitiously. I think that blog might actually end up being my favorite.

Faith also mentioned hand--written journals... about how starting a new journal was like starting a new beginning. I can completely relate to that feeling. I remember times when I would hold off on writing something until I was sure it would open up a new, promising tomorrow to explore. Or... at least be extremely therapeutic in nature.

So, Faith, I can empathize with you. I know that it's hard to be yourself even if others have no idea who you are and probably never will. However, not being 100% yourself is imposing limitations and depriving others of a sweet glimpse into the poetry of your spirit... and it's ALL poetry.♥


Lisa said...

yep and yep again- blogging to my mind is only really worth doing if you can be totally honest and that is really, really hard because we live in fear of judgment.

every so often i just back off a bit, i need to or i would go insane and i also keep a hand written journal
Lisa xxx

Michelle said...

It's the little bits of us all that make up the whole. I like it that you are real on here. That's why I read. I certainly don't expect anyone to be happy all the time, that's not real at all :)

Faith said...

Love you:)
Thank you so much. I think you and I feel the same in many ways ;)

I love reading all of your blogs.

The hard part of being 100% myself isn't the people I have grown to know in blogland:) They come and stay because they want to -- just like I go to the blogs that draw me. There are connections that are very precious and real.

It is the part of my life that isn't in blogger that collides sometimes...and I worry about that...having a private diary is safer, I guess. I love my family to pieces...and yet don't always want them reading what I have written:)

But I love the feeling of being able to express myself and having friends like you in my life. :)

So sometimes, it feels like a balancing act...and sometimes the delete button is my friend:P

It's ALL poetry :) :)


Dia said...

Enjoyed this reflective post - just wandered over from a comment you made on another blog - I also keep a written journal, love verbage & sharing info! So blogging is a fun way to explore that - & enjoy visiting blogs that feel real.

I'm also a Reiki Master - read your last post (Happy belated BD!) & on fibro - have you been hearing about using coconut oil (& milk etc) for various health concerns? I have some stuff on my V.Vale blog about health with quite a few on coconut oil - my latest 'kick!' The other oils quickly go rancid in our bodies (Olive is another OK - but if oils are un-saturated, they're unstable)

As a kid, I was often 'anemic,' tho we ate meat daily, inc liver. Later realized it was prob Vit E anemia, from the rancid fats we also used (wesson oil & crisco in most baked things)!!

Also - yest one of the gals in my new Tai Chi class, who has fibro, said she has been doing a few exercises before bed, & has been sleeping better, & was amazed at how 'pain free' feels!! The first class was just LAST WEEK! She's also begun drinking more water . . . I was pretty surprised at such quick improvement - we'll see what happens!!


Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

I have been busy and not keeping up with my blog as well and am just getting back to it, visiting others blogs and just keeping in touch.

I am sad to know you are in a tough place right now, and sometimes one just has to use what energy you have to keep going, and it's ok if the blogging slips.

I hope for softer times in your future..