Blogging

It seems that Faith has been feeling and thinking some of the same things as I about blogging. I thought, recently, to delete all of my blogs. To take back the words I've typed here and swallow them up.

Yes, afraid to just "be"... I know that fear. I worry about almost everything I post. "What will they think of me??" I've even stopped myself from writing certain things... and why?

I think it's because none of you really know who I am. You only know what I share here with you... and this is only who I am on my "time off". This is me... pondering, trying to make sense of the world, trying to entertain myself, and not (for a little while) trying to save anyone.

I think that is what bothers me most about blogging... it's almost entirely self-absorbed. I need to be okay with that... make peace with it. I need to know that I am not forcing anything I write onto anyone who doesn't want to read it. And, most importantly, that this IS all about me... my thoughts, my feelings, my experiences... and it's fine for me to give all of these things an outlet.

Yes, I am silly, serious, inquisitive, sarcastic, loving, creative, and, at times, even confused. And all of that is OKAY. I'm okay. And each one of us has the right to "be" who we are... all the time. Well, unless you're a psychopath, then I think you've relinquished that right! =) And I don't always think happy thoughts. Yeah... I know... there's a shocker. Sometimes I feel angry, depressed, jealous, or vengeful. Am I not free to share those things?

What started off as one blog quickly branched off into two. Then I realized that I needed a blog to express things that I didn't want to just come out and say... so I had to create a third blog to write my feelings down semi-fictitiously. I think that blog might actually end up being my favorite.

Faith also mentioned hand--written journals... about how starting a new journal was like starting a new beginning. I can completely relate to that feeling. I remember times when I would hold off on writing something until I was sure it would open up a new, promising tomorrow to explore. Or... at least be extremely therapeutic in nature.

So, Faith, I can empathize with you. I know that it's hard to be yourself even if others have no idea who you are and probably never will. However, not being 100% yourself is imposing limitations and depriving others of a sweet glimpse into the poetry of your spirit... and it's ALL poetry.♥