Friday, February 19, 2010


I think I'm a strong person, I've been through quite a bit in my life and have been able to learn and grow from tough times and difficult relationships. However, today I heard some news that has brought me to my knees.

On February 12th, my husband was diagnosed with CLL (
Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia).
I went online, researched it, and things sounded hopeful. There were drugs and treatments available and people live long lives with CLL. Sure, having any type of cancer isn't the greatest news in the world... but at least we believed it was a type that we could do something about.

His second appointment with the oncologist was today, February 19th. The results from the most recent blood tests weren't good. Not at all. More than 80% of his white blood cells are abnormal. We were told that my husband will have to have a bone marrow transplant within the next five to ten years, depending on how quickly the cancer progresses.

How does one deal with this kind of news? I can't tell you what's going on in my husband's head, only what I've been feeling. SCARED. HELPLESS. I was literally shaking non-stop for hours. I wanted to scream about it, tell everyone... but, at the same time, I didn't know what to say. The panic button in my heart had gone off and I was at a loss.

Now, after talking with a few close friends, crying a bit and relieving some of the pressure, I've learned to form complete sentences again.

I know that my husband and I can't face this alone... and it's not because we are weak. It's because people need each other. We need hands to hold, moments to share, pillars to lean on when we're mentally, emotionally, or physically exhausted. We need laughter to make the load seem lighter and love to bring us hope. We don't need sympathy... we need support. And... we are ever so grateful for that support.

Words cannot define how grateful we are for those who are rooting for us, sending their love, prayers, healing energy, and just showing up for us. It's comforting to know we won't be walking this road alone.

To my beautiful and loving friends who read this... I love and appreciate your presence in my life and I want you to not only know this... I want you to feel it. Thank you... with all of my heart.♥

Thursday, February 18, 2010


Sometimes, if you're patient,
if you stay up way too late
listening to love songs
with a deep and beautiful ache inside,
if you get kicked when you're down
but have no one to call and nothing to say,
if you bite your tongue and taste the pain,
if you spill coffee on a favorite book,
lose your favorite ring,
have your home invaded,
get lost on an unfamiliar road,
worry over a sick child,
feel an increasing distance in your relationship,
see angels as they're walking away...
Sometimes, if you're very, very patient,
the tears will come.