CLICK HERE FOR BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND MYSPACE LAYOUTS »

Saturday, July 18, 2009

I know you've heard enough...

...but I need to write about Michael Jackson. I heard from my youngest daughter that he'd been rushed to the hospital. I didn't believe it. I had to go online and find it in the news. By that time... he was gone. I turned on the television and watched more "news" than I had in years.

As an adult, I don't cry very often. However, I was in tears for over a week. I was puzzled by my reaction at first, then I realized that I was feeling the sadness of others from all over the world. There was a wave of emotion sweeping across the globe much like that after 9/11. Still, the realization that I was picking up on emotions on a wide-spread scale didn't stop the tears from coming. And there were dreams... so many dreams. I would wake up from dreaming about Michael and have one of his songs going through my head. To be honest, there was hardly a time for over a week when I didn't have one of his songs in my head.

I know that there are mixed feelings about this child/man. This bright and gentle spirit who didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the world. Many think he was guilty of child molestation but, after watching hour upon hour of footage of Michael, I find that very difficult to believe.

The following is from: http://askville.amazon.com/opinion-article-Bury-Ending-Myth-Jackson-Child-Molester/AnswerViewer.do?requestId=55320088

The child molester myth doesn´t rest on Jackson´s trial and clean acquittal on multiple child abuse charges in a Santa Maria courthouse in June 2005. Only the most rabid Jackson loathers still finger point to that to taint Jackson. The myth of Jackson as child abuser rests squarely on the charge by a 13 year old boy a decade before the trial and the multi-million dollar settlement out of court. The settlement, then and now, feeds the suspicion that Jackson must have done something unsavory and probably criminal, or else why settle?

16 years later, though, the facts remain unchanged. The charge that Jackson molested the boy was brought by the boy´s father. In interviews the boy repeatedly denied the charges. This changed only after he was administered sodium amytal, an invasive, mind altering drug that medical experts have frowned on and courts have disregarded in witness testimony. Prosecutors, police departments and investigators in Los Angeles and Santa Barbara spent millions of dollars, convened two grand juries and probed nearly 200 witnesses that included 30 children, who knew Jackson to try to substantiate the charge. Not a single corroborating witness was found. Nonetheless, a motley group of disgruntled Jackson´s former housekeepers, attendants and bodyguards still peddled the story to any media outlet willing to shell out the cash that Jackson had engaged in child sexual wrongdoing. Not one of the charges was confirmed. Typical was this exchange between one of Jackson´s attorneys and one of the accusing bodyguards under oath:

"So you don´t know anything about Mr. Jackson and [the boy], do you?"

"All I know is from the sworn documents that other people have sworn to."

"But other than what someone else may have said, you have no firsthand knowledge about Mr. Jackson and [the boy], do you?"

"That´s correct."


"Have you spoken to a child who has ever told you that Mr. Jackson did anything improper with the child?"

"No."

"Where did you get your impressions about Jackson´s behavior?"

"Just what I´ve been hearing in the media and what I´ve experienced with my own eyes."

"Okay. That´s the point. You experienced nothing with your own eyes, did you?"

"That´s right, nothing."

Yes, Michael was eccentric, extremely so... but that doesn't make him a child molester. What it did was make other people uncomfortable. The changes in his appearance brought an onslaught of name-calling and insults that would be difficult for anyone to handle emotionally.

I have no explanation as to why Michael opted to alter his facial features, the best I can do is speculate. It's possible that some deep-seated emotional issues, compacted by stress, created over-whelming insecurities within him. People undergo plastic surgery for superficial reasons all the time and some of those individuals end up looking disfigured. Do you see them on the front page of a tabloid week after week? No.

Years ago I told my husband that I thought Michael was starting to believe he was a freak. That, perhaps, being such a sensitive soul and hearing the constant verbal attacks and insults, Micheal started to see himself as some kind of mutilated monster. Then again, there might be another reason of which we are completely unaware at this time.

I hope we get to hear Michael's story from someone who was close to him. But... was there anyone close to him? Did he have a confidant?

On another note, do you realize how much Michael gave to others? He gave his time, his money, his talent. He was constantly in the service of others but much of that has been criticized or overlooked.

Check out this link for a list of charities Michael supported: http://simmerdown3.wordpress.com/2009/07/09/michael-jacksons-charity-work/

Through my eyes, Michael was a beautiful, lonely, tortured soul who's light shown too brightly for this world. I don't know if those who sought to destroy him did so out of racism, jealousy, or just plain ignorance, but I truly feel that his uniqueness and limitless imagination and creativity were both a blessing and a curse to the most brilliant entertainer of all time.



Thursday, June 11, 2009

Up for the trip?

Good day, my friends, and please accept my invitation to Paradise. It's a beautiful place where there are no worries, no stresses, and happiness and love echo in the air. You'll visit sites from the past that contain joyful memories. You'll be given a peek into a future of endless possibilities. You'll be in awe with the sheer wonder of being alive!

While enjoying this utopia, you'll realized what a blessing you are to the world. You'll learn that you are lovable and loved ALL THE TIME. Yes, even when you're sad, angry, ill, incurably clumsy, confused, or just plain lost. Why? Because there's only one YOU in this whole, entire world!

You'll also remember what it is you've been sent here to accomplish -- to be the most perfect version of you that you can be. Everyone occasionally goofs up or handles a situation in a less than perfect way, that's expected. If not for error, how would we learn and grow? Just stand back up, dust yourself off, and try again. Besides, if you did everything perfect the first time, wouldn't life be rather boring? The joy is in honing one's skills, taking each step from amateur to expert. Yes, that pertains to all areas of life: your relationships; emotions; self-expression; career; etc.

Please, grab your tickets and hop on board. There's no need to pack a thing. Come as you are... for that's the only way to travel to bliss.

~♥~


Sunday, May 17, 2009

Blogging

It seems that Faith has been feeling and thinking some of the same things as I about blogging. I thought, recently, to delete all of my blogs. To take back the words I've typed here and swallow them up.

Yes, afraid to just "be"... I know that fear. I worry about almost everything I post. "What will they think of me??" I've even stopped myself from writing certain things... and why?

I think it's because none of you really know who I am. You only know what I share here with you... and this is only who I am on my "time off". This is me... pondering, trying to make sense of the world, trying to entertain myself, and not (for a little while) trying to save anyone.

I think that is what bothers me most about blogging... it's almost entirely self-absorbed. I need to be okay with that... make peace with it. I need to know that I am not forcing anything I write onto anyone who doesn't want to read it. And, most importantly, that this IS all about me... my thoughts, my feelings, my experiences... and it's fine for me to give all of these things an outlet.

Yes, I am silly, serious, inquisitive, sarcastic, loving, creative, and, at times, even confused. And all of that is OKAY. I'm okay. And each one of us has the right to "be" who we are... all the time. Well, unless you're a psychopath, then I think you've relinquished that right! =) And I don't always think happy thoughts. Yeah... I know... there's a shocker. Sometimes I feel angry, depressed, jealous, or vengeful. Am I not free to share those things?

What started off as one blog quickly branched off into two. Then I realized that I needed a blog to express things that I didn't want to just come out and say... so I had to create a third blog to write my feelings down semi-fictitiously. I think that blog might actually end up being my favorite.

Faith also mentioned hand--written journals... about how starting a new journal was like starting a new beginning. I can completely relate to that feeling. I remember times when I would hold off on writing something until I was sure it would open up a new, promising tomorrow to explore. Or... at least be extremely therapeutic in nature.

So, Faith, I can empathize with you. I know that it's hard to be yourself even if others have no idea who you are and probably never will. However, not being 100% yourself is imposing limitations and depriving others of a sweet glimpse into the poetry of your spirit... and it's ALL poetry.♥


Sunday, May 3, 2009

The Cruelty of the Insecure

I've pondered many times what it is, outside of mental illness, that causes individuals to be so cruel. I know you've encountered cruel, vicious people -- in real life and online. I started analyzing cruelty in people a little over two years ago, questioning their underlying motives and core issues. Outside of being psychopaths or sociopaths, the commonalities I've observed are low self-esteem and major insecurity issues combined with narcissistic tendencies.

The most vicious of these individuals admit no flaw in themselves yet find fault, on some scale, with practically everyone they encounter. By degrading and humiliating others, they feel a false sense of superiority. It is, however, fleeting. Therefore, they must always feed their insecurities by finding new victims to attack. They believe their witty, cutting remarks will make them appear more intelligent, more attractive, more desirable in some way. It may to others who have insecurities on a grand scale but not to those with high self-esteem. Those with high self-esteem merely view these people as immature or psychologically damaged.

The best explanation I've come up with is emotional maturity, or lack thereof. A person's emotional maturity can be hindered by abuse, trauma, or poor relationships. Individuals who were abused or neglected in childhood often suffer a setback in emotional growth. They seem "stuck" at a certain level of maturity far younger than their chronological age. Mentally, however, they can be highly intelligent individuals, which creates a sharp contrast between the way the are able to manipulate complex ideas compared to their inability to act or behave appropriately when interacting with others.

Sadly, most of these individuals (often due to a superiority complex) will never seek the treatment they require in order to heal the wounds of their past and reach a state of self-realization. The more intelligent the individual with low self-esteem is, the less likely they are to get help. So, what are we, as a society, to do about these insecure, narcissistic personalities who wander through life hurting as many as they can? Is there a solution?

Those are my ponderings at this hour. I hope all of that made sense. I was only able to sleep three hours last night and, honestly, I don't even know how I'm able to hold myself upright in this chair right now.

With great love... ~♥~



Saturday, April 25, 2009

Mourning


Tonight, I sit here with a sadness unlike any I've felt before. I'm mourning the death of someone who is still very much alive. I'm mourning the death of everything I once loved in him... with the exception of his intelligence. However, even that intelligence has evolved into a pompous arrogance instead of the desire for knowledge it was long ago. Where has the boy gone who knew innocence and empathy? Who is this man so filled with bitterness and cruelty? I know him not.

Yes, there were hints back then in the decadent days of the late 1980's. There were times he could be cruel, smug, berating, abusive... countered by hours of laughter, creative genius, the most passionate love letters, dreamy poems, sweet moments stolen on a high school campus, secret nights spent in a stranger's trailer. There were chocolate covered strawberries and insults about my transgressions. There were Sleepytime Bunnie's and humiliation. There were angels dressed in white... Now angels have fallen hard, hit the earth with a cry that reverberates through my very soul.

So I cry, too.


"All went well in February
beyond this, no sanctuary
and left undone in a frozen age
I give no reason for these wars you rage..."


"...Surroundings fade and go away and suddenly I'm free
and no one that I know stands everywhere and smiles at me.
I go to touch her face and suddenly she turns to stone.
The trees turn into desert and I'm once again alone."


I hope someone,
somewhere, somehow saves your life...